What is Yoga?

I currently have the privilege of teaching yoga to individuals in recovery from drugs and alcohol. They are awesome. They are also a special sort of yogi. Basically they are starting their lives over. Starting fresh. They have this amazing opportunity to begin life again with a clean slate.

Isn't it great to be alive?

And because they're in recovery and working through all the shit that got them there in the first place, they are particularly open. They are looking for something real and sustainable to help them maintain their sobriety and lead fulfilling lives. At least that's what I'm hoping...

So, I sort of see it as my job to provide that real and fulfilling activity. One of the aims of yoga is to open your eyes to what is real. To the reality of the universe, of yourself, of life. Most of us as humans lead our lives as if in a trance oblivious to the wonders of being alive. It's so easy to get bogged down in the mire of day to day crud. If you constantly keep yourself busy with to-do lists, it's easy to avoid examining the reality of being alive.

I am currently reading "Yoga and the Quest for the True Self" by Stephen Cope which is a vast tome of yogic and psychology knowledge. It's packed to the brim with philosophical gems like this one:

"If you want to experience the joyous ecstasy that life offers, 

there is one commitment that is absolutely fundamental: 

the commitment to live in the moment. 

With that commitment as your guiding focus, 

whatever you do in your daily life is part of your transformational process. 

Your commitment to the living in the moment becomes your vehicle for spiritual growth." (p. 113)

And another:

"The goal of the reality project is not to disengage from the phenomenal world, 

but to turn to embrace it more and more deeply--to discover its hidden depths. 

And in order to do that, paradoxically, we do not reject the vicissitudes of the embodied life.

 We do not reject suffering. 

Rather we turn and go through the doorway of suffering. 

We turn to embrace our neuroses, our conflicts, our difficult bodies and minds 

and we let them be the bridge to a fuller life. 

Our task is not to free ourselves from the world, 

but to fully embrace the world--to embrace the real." (p 115) 

So. My challenge with these new yogis who are newly sober and eager to embrace reality (maybe?) is to give them a well-rounded experience of yoga. A bit of asana, some breathwork, some meditation, some philosophy and even some yoga nidra. In an hour. Twice a week. How can I fully convey to these people the great depth of what it is I'm teaching? How can I offer them something that awakens them to reality? And the potential for the practice to create real and lasting change within them? What is yoga to these people? What is yoga?

Is this yoga?

Yesterday we were ending class with baddha konasana before savasana. One or two of them was complaining of the stretch. I told them to think about leading with their sternum as though they could lay their heart center down onto their feet. Well, they thought that was pretty hilarious. And one of them asked if that was the goal. 

Now, I probably could have just said that "yes, putting the head to the ground and the heart on the feet was the goal of the pose" and left it at that. But no. No! I owe to these people in flux to give them something more.

Here's what I offered:

Me: If the goal of yoga was to be flexible, then any gymnast could come in and automatically be good at it. 

Student: But that's not the case?

Me: No. 

Student: Really?

Me: Really. The goal of yoga is not to be flexible. What good is that going to serve you in your life? The reason that we do a practice on the mat is to learn to deal with difficulty. We purposefully put ourselves into challenging postures to see how well we can continue to breathe and be present. So that when shit comes up for you in difficult times, you have some tools for knowing how to be present and how to deal when life is challenging. If you can stay in the moment and be clear about what's going on in the mind, then you are doing yoga.

It was simple. It was a 2 minute little philosophy lesson. It made me feel so alive and present in myself that I was instantly filled with joy. I don't know what they think about it now or if they have even thought of it since. But in that moment, I was exactly the sort of teacher that I want to be.

Going In

chakra system, very much "in"

If I were to make a guess, I would say that this post will get about 7 reads, whereas my posts about asana are read by dozens. There are a number of reasons why this is so. Namely the current craze of yoga as a workout and a purely physical activity to enhance the sculpt of your abs. We as Americans are constantly trying to better ourselves not through reflection or introspection, but rather by weighing less and looking more beautiful on the outside.

I think it stinks a little, but also it's very much cultural. With the constant distraction of smartphones, money, bigger and better "stuff" it's no wonder that we aren't particularly capable of "going in" and doing internal work. Why is that? Because it's hard.
It's a heck of a lot harder to sit down and watch your breath than it is to go to a yoga class with rockin music where you are constantly moving and doing. In other words, modern yoga is commonly just another distraction for our already "monkey" minds.

The process of going inward is outlined in the last 4 limbs of the 8-limbed yogic path. The first of those limbs is pratyahara which is the "turning-inward" of the senses. It's essentially the process of quieting the mind by turning off your awareness of that which is outside of you and moving toward awareness of what is happening on the inside. From here, your work moves into concentration meditation (dharana), meditation without a point of focus (dhyana), and finally samadhi which is full absorption into your current task at hand.

So, what to do?
The work of coming regularly to your meditation cushion to quiet the senses takes a mature and sophisticated student. This person has to be willing to sit still, be quiet and examine the nature of their own mind. This is scary business at times. Part of living on the surface and not delving too deeply into the depth of the mind has to do with our notions of keeping ourselves safe. If we can just cling to tangible "real" physical things and keep our mind preoccupied with those, then we don't have to go deeply inside and see the shit that makes up our minds. Sometimes what's in there is crummy and needs some tending to, which can be painful.

Me, going in.

Now, dont get me wrong. I do the physical practice of yoga on an almost daily basis. I am firmly committed to keeping my body healthy and well as I age. But, at the same time, I use my daily practice as a way to examine myself. I watch my breath. I watch the whirls of my mind. I watch the sensations happening in the body. I pay attention to me much as a scientist would. Constantly observing and at  the same time, constantly trying to stay present with what is.

If you are someone who is not ready to commit to a regular meditation practice, all is not lost. There are ways to be reflective and introspective without a daily practice (though, the work is much more satisfying if you can make it every day!). For more accesible internal work, try just noticing when you experience something truly joyous or beautiful. Observe the sensations in your body/mind that arise as a result. Observe the thoughts that come up and whether you cling to the "goodness" or whether you can let it all go.

You could also journal 5 good things and 5 difficult things that happened to you each day. Reflect upon why you consider them good/bad and how you reacted to each of the experiences. That work should take you about 5 minutes before you go to sleep.

If even that is too challenging, next time you're in the car or riding the bus, do the same sort of work but just mentally. Scan the events of your day and notice how you categorize them (good/bad) and why. Did you react as per usual, or did you experience a new type of reaction?

The more you can tune in to the inner-workings of the mind, the closer you will be to understanding your choices and decisions along this path of life.

Yoga in Action: Repect for the Earth

Happy Earth Day!

Part of our practice as a modern yogis is practicing compassion and a mindful approach to living. This is a constant challenge in a world of fast-paced technology, instant gratification and the constant desire for bigger, better and more. It is a major challenge too, to offer the same practices to the earth as we would to say, another person.
At times, I feel like my mind belongs to someone else with the way it grasps at material things. I mean, really? After all this work of non-attachment and I still haul an entire u-haul around every time I move?

But, it's all just practice in the end. And in my opinion, yogis should be at the forefront of practice when it comes to respect for the earth. Treading lightly on this planet comes naturally to those who practice such deep respect for their own bodies and minds.

Here are some of the simple things that we can do to balance modern life with a yogic life:

•  Garden your own veggies.
• This is typically super simple and very rewarding, giving you the chance to nurture your future food as you would nurture your yoga practice. Also gives you the chance to be outside and connect with life. For an extra earth-friendly approach, collect rainwater to use on the garden, rather than relying on the hose.
• Get an eco-friendly yoga mat.
• They are a little more expensive, but typically last longer. The eco yoga mat that I am currently using is from Yogasana. It's made of cotton and woven in India. They have great bright colors and a strong texture to help you connect to your hands and feet.
• Buy secondhand yoga clothes.

• For those of you who know me, you know that I buy pretty much everything secondhand. I find SO many yoga clothes this way. Expensive brands that people have donated after just a couple of wears. 
• Stop buying bottled drinks.
• Get a filter for your water. Make your own kombucha (I do this and it's super simple). Make a huge pot of ginger tea, bottle it and keep it in the fridge for when you crave a sweet drink.
• Buy local/organic food.
• I know this one seems like a no-brainer. But it can be a hard leap to take when the expense is considered. Once you dive in, you'll never go back. Organic food is better for you and better for the earth. You can get a CSA box from a local farm on the cheap. Usually they are organic and have lots of interesting new things for to try. Also, it's just about farmer's market time for most places. This makes it easy to do local eggs and meat as well.
• Turn off lights, use the heat/air conditioning within reason
• Duh, right? Not so. Our idea of comfort is way out of wack in my opinion. If it were up to me, we'd turn on the air-conditioning two weeks out of the year in July/August when it's unbearable.
• Bike/walk/run/skip/scoot/ride the bus
• Cars are bad news. I drive a car. Often. But in a perfect world, I would not. I would walk and ride my bike. This is one for my own personal work.
• Bring your own tupperware for leftovers
• As a server, I see so much waste go out the door in the form of to-go containers. This one is particularly easy. Just keep a couple in your car and grab em before you go in to eat.

Got any other ideas? Tell me what they are, and I'll include them!

• Use a Mooncup/Gladrags for your moon cycle, ladies. 
• Thanks to my friend Lacey for reminding me about this one. Rather than create extra waste from tampons or pads, I use a Mooncup. It saves money, lasts for 10 years and isn't putting any harmful chemicals into my body. 

Yoga in Action: Being True to Yourself

So, I've been teaching for 3 years now. Not too much time, admittedly, but enough time to have a decent grasp of my own style and what works well for students and what works less well. As someone who has to promote myself as a small business, as well as continue a personal practice, I am constantly looking for ways to improve myself as a teacher and student and bring in more people.
To expand my skill-set and business acumen, I tend to look to yoga studios/teachers who are successful. What do they offer that brings so many people in? What is it that yoga practitioners are looking for in a teacher, studio, class format, etc.?
And I have to say that it's impossible to collect this type of information and not allow it to inform your own personal methods. When you take someone's class, it's only natural that you learn something new and begin to transmit that information in your own way.

I have been moving around the world for the past 5 or so years. I have studied with some incredible teachers all around the world. Here are some of my biggest influences over the past years:

❊ Theresa Murphy, Omaha, NE (http://www.theresamurphy.net)
❊ Lucie Konikova in Prague, Czech Republic (http://www.yogina.cz/)
❊ Ben Vincent in MPLS (http://vincentyoga.com)
❊ Laurel Van Matre in MPLS (http://www.laurelvanmatre.com/)
❊ Rod Stryker of Para Yoga in Boulder, CO (http://parayoga.com/)
❊ Ganesh Mohan of Svastha Yoga in Chennai, India (http://www.svastha.net/)

This is an eclectic bunch of individuals with many different styles and approaches. I love being open to all different types of styles and being able to incorporate them into my own teaching. Theresa Murphy, my biggest yoga influence calls herself a "cross-pollinator" implying that she gets her information from multiple sources. I can't help but be the same way. When there are so many traditions and methods out there, why would you not experience as many of them as possible?

It is very challenging for me not to get mired down in the yoga pop culture muck. And the notion that one particular way/method is the only way is very prevalent in Western yoga culture. If you want people to buy your brand, you have to promote it as the brand.
What I have recently realized is that through my knowledge-seeking, I have strayed from teaching in my own very personal way. I have lost track of teaching in a way that is completely true to me. Not that I have not been teaching well or am disappointed with myself, but I have been learning so much really new material and trying to rectify it with my own personal style. And, I came to realize that it isn't really working. Part of the challenge of being a good teacher is transmitting the knowledge you obtain in a way that is clear and meaningful for your students. And you can't really do that if you're teaching in another teacher's style/way. For me, the most important thing is to be completely true to myself.

This is not to say that we shouldn't  be open to the vast expanse of knowledge that is out there. And I wouldn't trade my experience/studies for anything else.  But it became clear to me that I've been trying to share information without first making it my own.Armed with this revelatory knowledge, not to mention yogic information, I forge on.

This is me.

There is so much to learn on this path.

Yoga in Action: Your Inner Light of Awareness

Over the course of my recent study, I keep coming across a "buzz-phrase" that really pleases me.
It is: your inner light of awareness. It refers to the you who you really are. At your core. Not your job or your life experience or how anyone else perceives you. It is simply and basically you. The you who you are now and have always been. Not who you strive to be, or who you have been.
It's beautiful, right? Your inner light of awareness.

like this, but on the inside!

Another way of thinking about this is as your dharma. My main sanskrit guy Nicholai Bachman defines dharma as "the underlying substance that does not fundamentally change but simply appears differently over time." (The Yoga Sutras Workbook, pg 56) In Indian culture, dharma is like the law or the fundamentals of the way things are. If you think of this in terms of yourself, your dharma is the fundamental structure of you that does not change.
I was pretty caught up in trying to understand dharma for awhile, because I was confusing it with dharmic purpose. This is a concept that my father hammered into our brains all throughout our childhoods/college/continuing today. Your dharmic purpose is the thing that you were put on this earth to do. The thing that you can provide to humankind that no one else can. Your dharma is more like your essence. It's what makes you, well, you!
For a couple of years recently, I was desperate to figure out what it was that I was put here to do. I thought it was something that if I meditated on it and thought about enough, that it would come to me in a big shocking epiphany! I discussed it with my teachers, my friends and my partner. I thought about it in the car and on the cushion. I need answers, damnit!

I've given up the quest for a solid answer to the "what is my dharmic purpose" question. It's not that I don't want to know. I really really want to know. I still think about it a lot. It's just that I don't really think I need to know now.  If I really needed to know now, wouldn't I know?

Over time, I have been able to loosen the hold that it has on me. Letting go of the thinking that "if I can just discover my dharmic purpose, then everything will fall into place!" My focus now is cultivating santosha (contentment) with what currently is. Santosha with my very own inner light of awareness. To be content is something we could all strive for a little more. To be content with who we are, at our very essence.

Can you connect with your inner light of awareness? 

Finding Contentment in the Chaos

India can be an extremely frustrating place. It's hot. It's really chaotic. Indians swarm you to offer you rides in
their rickshaw, necklaces, directional advice, etc. It's loud as can be--horns, music, traffic. It's dirty.

Last year, everything about being in India was novel for me. I drank it all in. I enjoyed every experience, even those that were loud, chaotic and dirty. I was just so happy to be here that I even found joy in the painful and frustrating times. This year, things feel different. I feel annoyed by Indians and chaos. I can't help it. I don't want to be annoyed. I want to live in the present and appreciate the fact that I'm in INDIA for crying out loud!! But something keeps rising up in me. And it doesn't feel like joy. It feels like suffering.

It feels a lot like when I was a teenager. I don't know what you were like when you were teen-aged, but I was angry. All the time. Anything and everything could upset me. And did. And not only was I angry, I was anxious to be out of whatever situation I was currently in. I believe I could characterize it as a constant state of non-contentment. Unless something was a completely novel situation, I was instantly bored and looking to move on.

This approach to life has (luckily) abated with time. I think part of it is maturing and recognizing that not every situation has to be completely enriching and fabulous. And (I would like to think) that most of my new life approach is due to my work on the mat/cushion. I've slowed down. I've learned to appreciate small details and things that we generally perceive as "mundane." 

So much sweetness in the simplicity

I think a lot of this appreciation has developed out of my asana practice. Coming to the mat daily and doing the same poses hundreds and then thousands of times can really put into perspective one's ability to find something new in a repeat situation. And no matter how many times I do trikonasana, I can still find some new sensation and some amount of joy to just "be in it." This is how I should approach every repeat situation. What about this can I find to appreciate? Even if my brain/body is telling me not to feel content?

So, this second trip to India has been one of lesson learning for me. It's fascinating to watch myself move through this incredible country for a second time. To see my reaction to India when it's no longer novel for me. It's amusing to be present with my anger, however silly it seems. It's great for me to have the insight to even realize that I'm experiencing non-contentment and then see what I can do about it.

There is nothing like taking yourself out of your comfort zone to put your work to the test. Looks like I better keep on getting back on the mat/cushion upon my return.

Letting Go in India

Disclaimer: This blog post is confessional in nature. 

You have to pretty open-minded when you're in India. There is a certain "go with the flow-ness" required if you are planning to have an enjoyable time. Goodbye personal space--hello several Indians pressed into places generally reserved for lovers. Oh, you don't like pooping in a hole without toilet paper? Or you're not into starving dogs following you around or trash everywhere? Wait, you don't like acrid smells accosting you at each turn? Now would be a good time to work on letting some things go, for instance: clinging to your cultural notions of cleanliness and personal space, desiring to be comfortable at all times, expectations about your experience, etc. the sooner you can detach from those types of clinging, the sooner you can begin to enjoy yourself.

Luckily I feel pretty capable of this sort of short term "letting go." I think I'm able to see India for what it is even if it makes me momentarily uncomfortable. It's so different from how my life is usually that it's somehow simple not to sweat the small stuff while I'm here.

But I had to come all the way to India to see what I haven't been so capable of letting go in the long term. To see some of my own personal painful clinging patterns took a complete change of normalcy. 

When people first start practicing yoga, one of the hardest things to release or let go of are our previous patterns of holding tension and our patterns of breathing. Just telling someone that they are tense or should breathe to release tension isn't going to automatically make it so. It takes a realization of the disruptive patterns before you begin to release them. The same is true for many of our life patterns. 
Whether or not we realize it, we continuously cling to our ways of doing things and notions of how we think things are/ ought to be. 

When I got to India, I met up with my dear pal Veronika a few days before our training so that we could catch up after a year of not seeing one another. We talk about everything at great length. She's a great listener and we can talk about a single subject for hours. Or maybe days.

So. You guys. 

I found myself quite regularly coming back to two subjects. At first a little too regularly. And then slightly desperately. And then. Geez, I could actually hear myself whining.

It took me thousands of miles and seven months to realize that I am not letting go of my past relationship. Or rather, I am not letting go of the plans that I had for the two of us--a family, a home, a life together. What can I say? The end of it was a pretty huge blow and I had thought we were going to be together forever. And  I made plans according to my expectations. But we aren't together, which makes these plans obsolete. And it's time to let it go. Existing in a state of dukkha (suffering) because 
I'm unwilling to resist clinging to what could have been is no longer useful. 

Additionally, I have realized that it isn't too useful for me to cling to the job/lifestyle/achievements that I wish I had. It's okay to dream of course and important to have goals. But it isn't okay to grasp for and cling to those things if you don't have them. It just isn't. You have to let them go and appreciate what you do have. Sometimes you have to let these things go while you're in India. Find your breath. Be love and peace. And let go.