Yoga in Action: Loving You First

Perhaps it's self-imposed, but I commonly sense that other people think of my yoga practice, or yoga practice in general, as very selfish. And to a point, it sort of is. It's certainly self-involved; I would even argue that yoga is the study of the self, it takes up large chunks of time, and typically your practice isn't really a group thing. Sure, you go to class and see your friends and fellow practitioners, but ultimately you're there to dig into you. And then hopefully, you can take that work out into the world. (That seems to be a message in every single one of my posts, huh?)

In one of my favorite books on yoga, Awake in the World, author Michael Stone puts it this way:

Yoga reawakens ones connection with the whole body and mind and in so doing restores pathways of communication at an inner level that then begin to spread out 

into the interpersonal world as well. When we are safe in our own bodies, 

we have a ground from which to step out into the world. (p. 155)

And I wonder, how else are you going to get to know yourself? To really begin to understand the inner workings of the mind, you have to go deep. You gotta really go inward and get really quiet and listen, listen, listen, and do that again and again and again. And then you might, just maybe, possibly catch the tiniest glimpse into your true nature. Your capital S Self, if you will.
Okay, that's all well and good, but take caution. You come to know yourself through svadhyaya or self-study, but hopefully we can use that self-awareness to be part of the greater whole. We get into trouble when we think of ourselves as separate from the rest of humanity.
Again, Michael Stone:

We are not in any way separate from anything else. 

Ocean cliffs get hammered by the wind, falling rain is eventually pulled back into cloud, 

and the ego is always traumatized by the flux of life. 

When we are stuck in the framework of a "me" and a "world out there" 

or a "me" in a body in a world, we alienate our "selves" from the world. 

Self apart from the world is a mere abstraction 

because we are not inherently separate from anything. (p.23)

Makin' myself the Number One love.

Alright, so we've got a few things going on. Through the practice of yoga, we study ourselves and become aware of our habitual patterns of thought, our reactionary tendencies, and the intense hold of our ego on our own minds. Then, (probably many years later) once you are armed with your Self-knowledge, you can start to break down the barriers of the mind which see the self as separate from the rest of humanity. Everyone has the same (to borrow a term from sanskrit scholar Nicolai Bachman) inner light of awareness and ultimately we're all just trying to be happy. Or perhaps more importantly, we're trying to have santosha (contentment). 

Which brings me to my point, the reason I'm writing this post. Only you can make you happy. When we rely on other people (spouses, children, boyfriends, friends) to create our happiness, we run into trouble. It might work for a bit. We can certainly feel joy and love in the presence of others, but to rely on that feeling, to need the presence of another person to feel it sets us up for future pain. Because then when things change, as they inevitably will (the world and all its creatures are in a constant state of flux) suffering results. 

When we can take refuge and root into ourselves, while we will evolve and change in time, we are present for that change. If you can be comfortable with all your quirks, if you can accept your humanity, if you can love you, you'll have the foundation for a life of contentment. Which is not to say that there won't be suffering, but when it occurs, you will be both your anchor and your guiding light to joy again.

Okay great! Let's do it, right? Well, how?
Like pretty much all the posts on this blog, it's easier said than done! If it was so easy to love ourselves, there wouldn't be nearly the heartache and pain and struggle that exists in the world. But I know it's possible! We have to practice acceptance. We have to be as kind to ourselves as we would to another being. We have to offer ourselves compassion for our failures and missteps. We have to acknowledge our shortcomings and try to be better. Put your lovin' kindness into you first. If you can be happy and content, you'll project that action out into the world.
What are some of your ideas? How do you practice self love?

Cultivating the Opposite

Last night, I had dinner with my Grams who's 91 years old. She is fortunate to still be completely sound of mind and fully capable mentally, spiritually and emotionally. She looks to many sources for her spiritual growth and guidance included the Catholic church (she's big on JC), Judge Judy and Deepak Chopra. She reads every book that she can get her hands on that centers around positive thought. She does the work for herself first. But she also wants you to do the work too. For yourself. Last night, the plan was to manifest me a husband through a writing exercise from a book called Write it Down, Make it Happen. For her, every opportunity for practicing positivity and impeccable speech (from The Four Agreements) is worthwhile for improving her life and the lives of those around her.

Gramma Jamma

In our chat, we were discussing the inevitable "mind loop" that occurs when something bad happens. More specifically when someone does you wrong. We can't help but go over and over the same damn scenario in a million different ways to try and figure out what went wrong, what we could have done differently, what the other person should have done, what we would say to them if we saw them today, etc.
What we both recognize is that these thought processes are a waste of time. Maybe not at first while you're hashing out your feelings and gaining clarity into the full-scope of the situation. But eventually, once it becomes obsessive and we begin to grip and grasp it for all that it's got, it's time to change tactics.

The Yoga Sutras offers an absolutely precise and clear solution to the problem of the "mind loop."

2.33 vitarka badhane pratipaksha bhavanam

When difficult thoughts restrict us, we can cultivate opposite ones.

Okay. Easy enough, yeah?
Well....maybe not the easiest. I think this is a practice that you work your way up to. The first step to retraining the mind is to be aware.
I try to remind my yoga students that the initial stages of yoga are really about creating body and mind awareness in a new way. We have to first create new neural pathways to see things and then see things as they truly are so that we can approach them with clarity and insight. In yoga asana you have to recognize the body's defects and differences from one side to the next and where you are stuck and where you are too open and how your body moves. In that way you can approach physical practice safely and for your specific bodily needs.

In meditation and matters of the mind, you first become aware of the frequent thought patterns that you're prone to, the mind loops that you tend to get in, and when and how often you find yourself thinking negatively. If you kept a tally throughout a single day of all the times you had a negative thought, how many would it be? 5 or 500? If you were aware of an excessive amount of negative thoughts, would you want to change it?
Armed with your new-found self-awareness, you can (hopefully) see the areas which need attention.

just cultivating the opposite over here.

For me, it pretty much always comes back to the mind-junk. The mind loops of 'what if' and 'why didn't I' and 'how could I have' etc. My work is to cultivate the opposite. What did I do right? In what ways did I display integrity in the face of challenges? Was I able to act with kindness and compassion, even though I probably didn't want to?

When things don't go my way, my work is to first change my perspective and hopefully through that effort begin to plant new seeds (remember that work?) for positive thoughts.
And like anything else in life, the more often you practice, the more it becomes easily accessible. If you can cultivate the opposite one difficult thought at a time, eventually it will become a part of your routine.

Holding Yourself Accountable

In my opinion, one of the biggest challenges in our day-to-day lives is holding ourselves accountable. It's pretty easy to talk a big game about ways that we are going to improve ourselves, how we are going to be better, resolutions, etc. but in truth it's really really challenging to actually follow through. I don't think that anyone wants to over-eat, watch TV all night and not be physically fit, but it can be easier to let yourself off the hook than to actually do the work.

If you have made the decision to live yogically, you pretty much have no choice but to hold yourself accountable. A big part of the day-to-day work is the discipline that it takes to get yourself to your mat and cushion on the regs. The more often you can make it there and do the work, the more you will build tapas, one of the components of kriya yoga. Through practicing again and again, we build tapas which is an internal heat. Essentially you "stoke" the fire within which hopefully keeps you coming back to practice again and again. 

If you are not a regular practitioner of yoga, it is still important to hold yourself accountable for things that you say you are going to do. How many times a day or a week do we say we are going to do something and do exactly the opposite or a half-assed job? It's hard to put forth the effort that is required to achieve our goals and aspirations. There is no question about that in my mind. But the more often you plan to do something and don't actually take the steps to follow through on it, the more challenging it will be the next time for you to keep your promise to yourself.

You know darn well that you have to come back up.

And then, there is the issue of holding yourself accountable for things you promise to other people. Be it your spouse, your children, someone you just started dating, or your yoga students, it is absolutely integral to honoring your own inner light of awareness to actually do the things that you say. For instance, with your yoga students, are you expecting them to attend 3 to 4 classes a week but not practicing regularly yourself? Are you telling your children or your spouse that you're going to make more time for them and then filling in that timeslot with other less important life events? When we say one thing and do another, we set a precedent for others to follow our lead. By actually remaining true to our word, we are establishing a foundation in truth. This good example will hopefully lead to continued true behavior.

If you are reading this and you think that I am talking to you specifically, I am not. But it seems that way, right? It's because we all do this. We all make greater promises and than we can keep. So, how can we do better?

For one, I think we need to lessen our expectations of ourselves. Not that we need to dream smaller or aspire less, but we need to make more realistic goals that have actually achievable outcomes. We also need to not get down on ourselves for minor deviations from the path. Shit occasionally goes awry and it's our job to recognize when we've strayed and come back to the straight and narrow.
For another, we need to just follow through.  Most especially when it's challenging and we don't want to, that's the time that we need to put on the heat and make ourselves act. This way the next time will be much less difficult.
We also need to celebrate when we do accomplish what we set out to achieve. However small, if you plan an action and make it happen, it is worth your while to recognize your work.
See if you can begin on a small scale. Follow through on several small projects/ideas and take note of how it feels. And then build from there. Happy practice!

operating on a positive plane

I was talking the other day with my pal and boss Jamie about the poisonous effects of gossip. Everyone seems to do it. Whenever I meet someone who isn't a shit-talker, it stands out in my mind. Like, I am surprised and impressed by their ability to refrain from negativity.
When you spend any amount of time with someone who has a negative outlook/talks shit/can't find positivity in anything it sucks. It's actually kind of the worst.

say nice things, y'all.

And I'm not saying that everyone has to be always super-bubbly and warm and kind (though it sure would be nice), but I think we would all be happier if we kept our mouths shut when we didn't have anything good to say. And said nice things about people when we did.

If you are unhappy with someone/something that happened, there is a natural tendency to look for a commiserator in your misery. Telling someone else who agrees with us makes us feel better. But does it? I am starting to think that it actually feels really gross. And unkind. And hurtful.

I am reading Christina Sell's book  My Body is a Temple. I had the super fortune to study with her in Austin, TX for a few months. She's been through some serious stuff and has come out with a gorgeous positive perspective on the experience of being alive. At the end of each chapter in the book, there are journaling exercises and one chapter in particular is a personal study in the yamas and niyamas. 
The yamas are social observances, ways that you should practice interacting with others and with the world around you. The niyamas are personal observances pertaining to your individual internal thoughts/actions. If you are interested in an in-depth look at all 10 of them, you can return to the homepage where there is a tab for each. http://santoshasounds.blogspot.com

So, for each of the observances, she poses 5 questions for you to consider and write about.
They are:
1. What does (yama/niyama) mean?
2. What does (yama/niyama) mean to you?
3. In what ways do you violate the spirit of (yama/niyama)?
4. What areas of your life could benefit from the consistent application of (yama/niyama)?
5. How might you practice (yama/niyama) in these areas?

I love this kind of work. You have the opportunity to choose to be thoughtful about all your actions/reactions toward others AND toward yourself. And if you really want to do the hard work, you can look deep inside yourself for true answers, even if they aren't always the ones we want to have.
I have found through my own work on these questions that a consistent difficulty for me is in the realm of gossip. I don't like to do it, it makes me feel terrible. Yet I find myself again and again in situations where it's happening and I'm involved. Maybe I'm not saying anything, but I'm also not shutting it down.
What to do?

the path of yoga is often an uphill battle.

A simple practice that I do all the time is one of shifting perspective. Whenever I have a negative interaction or feel some troubling emotion about a person or situation, I try to turn it around to see their perspective. I know I've mentioned this many times before in this blog and it is truly transformational work. It can be maddening at times, but it almost without fail makes me feel better every time. And it saves me the vast amount of energy that we can potentially expel by having a negative response.

Something else I've been trying out is to say nice things about whomever is being gossiped about. Mentioning their good points and doing so with compassion usually works to diffuse the negative speak and change the subject.

Life is a work in progress. Mistakes are consistently made along this path and our work is to be aware of them and try to be better next time.

Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu.

May all beings be happy and free from suffering.

Giving it Up to the Universe

When we were little, our dad always told us that we had to give up all of our goals to the universe. You can really really really want something, but you have to hand it off to the cosmos to take care of. In other words, you have to let the vice grip of your yearning heart and mind relax. You have to soften and settle around your goal. After you've set your intention, it's no longer in your control. It's under the control of the universe.
I go in and out of remembering the work that my dad gave us as children. He always had some project or energy-focused activity for us to increase our positive output into the world. This idea of letting go of intentions and offering them up to a higher power has just surfaced back into my consciousness.

I just finished How Yoga Works by Gesne Michael Roach. It's a fictional story which outlines the Tibetan tradition of yoga and how it came to India centuries ago. The technical lingo is a bit challenging at times in the book, but the takeaway is essentially simple. In the book, the work of the characters is to "plant good seeds." First they learn the physical practice of yoga to open up their energy channels and then they remove negative energy from the channels by sending out good vibes to the universe for all the people that they know. And from there, their work is to always act in a manner that will "plant good seeds" for growing future good things. They essentially learn how to be good people by never lying, keeping themselves and their surroundings clean, wanting happiness for others, thinking before they speak, etc.
And so, by planting good seeds, you set the groundwork for good things to happen for you. Which means that when bad things happen, that you planted the negative seed at some point earlier in your life. It's a little bit like the Americanized notion of karma, but what it really boils down to is that you are completely responsible for making your own future outcomes. And if you want them to be good ones, you better plant the sweetest, most fertile seeds.

I have been thinking about this work so much lately. What can I do to plant better seeds? How can I have intentions and goals that I can just offer up to the universe? Can I plant enough good seeds in my life that I can let go of attachment to future outcomes and know that I've done the work to make my dreams come true?

I'd like to think that I manifested my biggest life goal earlier this year. I had spent years and years wanting nothing more than to be a full-time yoga teacher. I thought about it constantly. I schemed plenty of crazy ideas for how to do it. But it just wasn't happening. I was still slogging along, waiting tables to pay rent so that I could teach yoga on the side. I certainly wasn't happy with the arrangement, but I didn't know how to change it.
At some point last year, I sort of stopped worrying about it so much. I inadvertently forgot to grip so hard on being a yoga teacher. I got pretty comfortable with waiting tables so that I could teach yoga. I settled in to the reality of my situation and tried to make the best of it.

And then.....

Seemingly out of the blue, I was offered a gig. It involved moving back to my hometown. I was skeptical. I had finally settled into my life as it was, you know?
I mulled it over for a long time. I talked to everyone who I love and trust for their opinions. I weighed the pros and cons. And I accepted.
Originally, it was just another part time situation, but in an established studio. But as time unfolded prior to my moving back, the job became even better. It became full time. The thing that I wanted more than anything. It just happened. But did it just happen? Was it my previous work that allowed it to come to fruition?

And just for the record, it's the total best. It is literally my dream job. I am living out my dreams. And now, onto the next manifestation....

Asana Tutorial: Backbending Goodness

I was working with this yesterday and found it extremely useful. Give it a try and let me know what you think!

Two straps. One around each thigh, threaded toward the midline creating internal rotation. Bring length of straps between your legs and wrap around outer thighs with crisscross between inner thighs. Pull straps in front of you to create internal rotation in the thighs and pull the heads of the arm bones back.

Next wrap the length of the strap around your upper trapezius muscles threading from the front. The length of the straps will crisscross at the back. Pull down to create internally rotating thighs as you backbend. Pull through to front under armpits, threading under shoulder blades. Maintain crisscross at mid-back. Pull up as you go back. Super supportive!

You can also pull the straps forward and pin them under your hands in downward facing dog. I also put them under my elbows in sphinx pose. Both excellent support.

Yoga in Action: Always Integrity

Always integrity. Always self-respect.

One of my most challenging challenges over the past several years has been how to rectify being a spiritually minded yogi in the modern world. The modern world seems to be to be constantly throwing obstacles to practice at me. Traffic is a bitch. People are stressed out so tension is always running high. My smart phone is always around beckoning me to look at cat pictures.
Sometimes it feels like you can't catch a break. It's one asshole after another; honking their horn, cutting in line, saying hurtful things....

But damn if it doesn't supply some serious fodder for practice. Lately I have been especially challenged by personal interactions. It seems as though the universe has something to tell me, or some lesson to teach me. Dealing with people is hard. It is up to us to interpret the actions of others and respond appropriately. When we can approach this interpretation from a place of self-love, self-respect and total integrity, that's when we are practicing yoga off the mat.

Sometimes, we or the other person perceives something about our actions which we either didn't intend or they misinterpreted. This is common. Human interactions are constantly unclear or confusing and as a result, you have developed your own communication style to combat general weirdness.

It's hard not to take things that someone else says or actions that they perform personally. Yet, it's very rare that someone else is acting a certain way because of something that you did or said. Taking these things personally is a quick path to suffering. Most people are doing what they do out of personal experience and their own way that they've developed to deal with the world and other humans.

It would be so easy to go through life reacting instantaneously to everything that happens. Most people do this. Someone wrongs you, you wrong them back. Retribution and eye-for-an-eye are really common ways of approaching conflict.
But, what if instead, you were able to step slightly back from the situation and assess. How would responding in an unkind way aid the situation? Would you be acting yogically if you responded negatively?

The most difficult work of yoga happens off the mat. Getting on your mat and opening up your body is a joy. And even when it's hard it usually feels good. On the contrary, acting with integrity in the face of negativity is almost always hard.

To practice, here's what I propose:
When someone else wrongs you, apologize. When someone says unkind things to you, offer them compassion. Maybe you have to go home and sit on your meditation cushion and force yourself to bring that person into your heart and LOVE them. I mean it, love them! Offer them compassion. And act as the yoga sutras suggest.

Yoga Sutra 1.33 says:
maitrī karuṇā mudito ‘pekṣāṇāṁ sukha duḥkha puṇyā ‘puṇya viṣayāṇāṁ bhāvanātaś citta prasādanaṁ 

A clear and tranquil mind results from cultivating friendliness towards those who are happy, compassion towards those who suffer, joy towards the virtuous and impartiality towards wrong-doers. (Translated by Ravi Ravindra in The Wisdom of Patanjalis Yoga Sutras)

One of the main reasons that I practice is to cultivate peace of mind. And I truly find that the path of integrity and self-respect is the clearest route to serenity.