Letting Go in India

Disclaimer: This blog post is confessional in nature. 

You have to pretty open-minded when you're in India. There is a certain "go with the flow-ness" required if you are planning to have an enjoyable time. Goodbye personal space--hello several Indians pressed into places generally reserved for lovers. Oh, you don't like pooping in a hole without toilet paper? Or you're not into starving dogs following you around or trash everywhere? Wait, you don't like acrid smells accosting you at each turn? Now would be a good time to work on letting some things go, for instance: clinging to your cultural notions of cleanliness and personal space, desiring to be comfortable at all times, expectations about your experience, etc. the sooner you can detach from those types of clinging, the sooner you can begin to enjoy yourself.

Luckily I feel pretty capable of this sort of short term "letting go." I think I'm able to see India for what it is even if it makes me momentarily uncomfortable. It's so different from how my life is usually that it's somehow simple not to sweat the small stuff while I'm here.

But I had to come all the way to India to see what I haven't been so capable of letting go in the long term. To see some of my own personal painful clinging patterns took a complete change of normalcy. 

When people first start practicing yoga, one of the hardest things to release or let go of are our previous patterns of holding tension and our patterns of breathing. Just telling someone that they are tense or should breathe to release tension isn't going to automatically make it so. It takes a realization of the disruptive patterns before you begin to release them. The same is true for many of our life patterns. 
Whether or not we realize it, we continuously cling to our ways of doing things and notions of how we think things are/ ought to be. 

When I got to India, I met up with my dear pal Veronika a few days before our training so that we could catch up after a year of not seeing one another. We talk about everything at great length. She's a great listener and we can talk about a single subject for hours. Or maybe days.

So. You guys. 

I found myself quite regularly coming back to two subjects. At first a little too regularly. And then slightly desperately. And then. Geez, I could actually hear myself whining.

It took me thousands of miles and seven months to realize that I am not letting go of my past relationship. Or rather, I am not letting go of the plans that I had for the two of us--a family, a home, a life together. What can I say? The end of it was a pretty huge blow and I had thought we were going to be together forever. And  I made plans according to my expectations. But we aren't together, which makes these plans obsolete. And it's time to let it go. Existing in a state of dukkha (suffering) because 
I'm unwilling to resist clinging to what could have been is no longer useful. 

Additionally, I have realized that it isn't too useful for me to cling to the job/lifestyle/achievements that I wish I had. It's okay to dream of course and important to have goals. But it isn't okay to grasp for and cling to those things if you don't have them. It just isn't. You have to let them go and appreciate what you do have. Sometimes you have to let these things go while you're in India. Find your breath. Be love and peace. And let go.

Antarayas: Obstacles to Practice

I think that a good first post for the new year is one in which I explain some reasons that it can be so hard to practice. Despite all your good intentions of making it to the mat everyday, meditating 3 times a week or just trying to be more present as you go through life, there are some legitimate hurdles which can stand in your way.
In the Yoga Sutras Patanjali (the codifier of the sutras) outlines nine antaraya(s)  (obstacles) to regular practice. (sutra 1.30) These are basically ideas your mind comes up with to avoid practice. The mind likes its current state--as it can direct you and your actions with its incessant thoughts. Why would the mind want you to practice regularly and thus gain some control over its behavior? It wouldn't. So here's what it comes up with:

The 9 Antaraya(s)

1. Vyadhi (disease or illness)

In most cases, this is a legitimate reason not to practice. Practice can be physically painful or mentally difficult if you have some illness or incessant pain. If this is your current barrier to practice, go back to bed and vow to return to regularity when your health has improved. 

2. Styana (apathy, dullness)

This obstacle may arise if you begin to have doubts about your progress, don't see immediate benefits from practicing or momentarily don't care about the positivity which practice can provide. Styana is a mental state, but can also be present physically if you are feeling heavy and dull. In order to overcome this obstacle, you can do a small scan of the benefit of practicing, to remind yourself of why you do it, or you can get up and practice asana to increase your tapas. Tapas (fire) will increase with each practice and encourage you to continue to do so.

3. Samsaya (self-doubt, lack of confidence)

This state of being can happen to the best of us, though some are better at overcoming it than others. A state of doubt about your ability, being, or place in the world can cause this antaraya to flare up. One way to overcome it could be to make a list of the things you are good at or the ways in which you personally improve the world. Another possibility could be to do a metta meditation in which you offer deep compassion to yourself. Here is a metta meditation which I recommend: Metta

4. Pramada (unclear thinking, intoxication)

This type of mind-state can occur literally from being intoxicated, or possibly by being intoxicated with a very strong emotion, such as fear or anger. When you are in this frame of mind, it can be incredibly difficult to step back and assess the situation to act appropriately. One possible way to overcome it is to make sure that each time a state of unclear thinking pops up for you, you step back and take 5 deep breaths before reacting. Simple and possibly very effective. 

5. Alasya (fatigue, feeling tired)

Happens to the best of us. If it's a persistent feeling, you may consider your sleeping and eating habits and whether or not they are conducive to healthy living. I for one used to be consistently tired until I cut meat out of my diet. Not that it's the answer for everyone, but happened to work well for me. If you want to practice, but can't seem to muster up the energy, you may consider a yoga nidra (yogic sleep) which is a practice of deep deep relaxation. If this appeals to you, find a recorded copy so that you can be completely focused on your practice. 

6. Avirati (sensory preoccupations)

This whirls of the mind are often sensory or sexually focused. These thoughts can be difficult to overcome once they arise. The best you can do is to try and bring your mind back to your task at hand. Reward yourself for any progress made.

7. Bhranti-darsana (erroneous seeing)

This type of obstacle is present when you think that there is only one way of viewing the world, which just so happens to be your way. Or thinking that you are always right or the way that you do things is the penultimate way to do them. It's difficult to accept that other approaches can be equally effective. This type of thinking is present in fundamentalist religions, certain school systems and in political thought. One way to overcome this obstacle could be to practice seeing another point of view. Each time a situation occurs in which you feel uncomfortable or offended by someone else's actions, take a moment to try and view it from their perspective. Assess the possibilities for why they acted the way that they did. This isn't fool-proof and may sometimes be mysterious to you, but by and large this is a very powerful practice to accepting the inter-connectedness of humanity. 

8. Alabdhabhumikatva (not being grounded)

In order to progress healthily and sensibly, you must establish a solid foundation of understanding at each level before moving on. In this obstacle, you are attempting to understand or practice something for which you are not ready. It can be very tempting to try advanced level practices of asana, pranayama or meditation, but in some cases can be dangerous. It might be at too high of a level for you to grasp or incomprehensible due to a lack of pertinent knowledge. To overcome this antaraya, make sure that your practices are appropriate and grounded before moving on. 

9. Anavasthitatva (instability)

This state is related to the previous one. This barrier to practice occurs when you do progress to the next level, but are unable to maintain it as a practice and fall back to the previous level. To overcome this obstacle, you must practice patience and perseverance. It is also helpful to think that this happens to everyone practicing and that all of those individuals picked up the pieces and continued on.

So, I hope this post was somewhat enlightening on how difficult it can be to maintain a regular practice and also offered some common sense practices for continuing. I must say that this post was largely inspired by the work of Nicholai Bachman and his translation of the Yoga Sutras. Without this, I never would have been so insightful on the antarayas. 

Ganesha 

Lastly, I want to say that Ganesh the Hindu god is the "remover of obstacles". One general way to overcome any troubles in life is to chant a mantra to Ganesh. My favorite is 

om gam ganapataye namaha

Om on! Happy practice in 2013.